It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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