wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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