I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
