I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
