we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
