I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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