Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
