O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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