I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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