A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
