I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
