worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
