But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
