i think my tv is drunk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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