Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
