I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
