This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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