Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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