I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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