Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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