I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
time to smoke my breakfast
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
