Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
