The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
