He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
