Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
