Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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