Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we're making bets on your personal life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
