if i can run in heels then i can drive
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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