the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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