I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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