I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize