if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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