Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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