Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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