On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
