Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
