She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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