whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
