I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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