help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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