I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
