oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
