Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
