erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
