just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
