so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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