there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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