Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
