So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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