I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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