I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
