It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
