I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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