dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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