I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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