So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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