Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
