thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize