I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
