your parents love me but you hate me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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