We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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