Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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