stop calling my apartment porn island.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
