Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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