just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
