Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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