I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
