woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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