Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
