What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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