I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
