no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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