Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
