Sponge bath it is.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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