five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
