i think i have two assholes
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
