New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
