R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
